On Apathy

You know that feeling when you're lying in bed on a Sunday morning, and you know you should get up and make that cup of tea or watch that blonde girl, the one with the arse, present that Sunday morning talk show, but you just... can't. You can't quite get the energy together to scratch yourself, let alone crawl out of bed and all the way down all the stairs. You know that feeling? Makes you feel crap, doesn't it? Well.
Life can get like that sometimes, can't it? Like a stifled yawn, or a really milky cup of tea: you just can't quite get enthused about it. It's not that it's rubbish, exactly. It's just not brilliant; kind of like Mirrors (the biggest vehicle I've ever seen: cut out all the scenes of Sutherland posturing and it'd be half an hour at best). It's average. Humdrum. Like all the acts on the X-Factor that you never get to see, the ones who aren't bad singers exactly, they're just not "right for the show".
And when you feel like that, like you're watching a constant Big Brother live-stream: everyone just bumping about and whinging quietly to themselves and pouring glasses of water and sleeping and living their own boring lives, when life gets like that you feel... well, nothing. It's hard to feel emotions toward anything when it's just so dull. It gets hard to care. I have an (unproven) theory that this is how serial killers feel all the time. Or cab drivers - to be honest I thought this one up when I was drunk...
Anyway. You start wandering about shops with nothing to buy, mostly to waste time in the day. You take up silly crafts and hobbies that you know you'll never do again. Maybe you write a novel, or some poems, or paint a picture, and then get other people to look at it. Maybe they compliment it, make you feel a bit more important, and your life takes a swing up. Or maybe, they see it and tear it apart with their cold cold words, and bring you down to their level. I'd opt for that one, loads more fun. Apparently.

Actually, I have done that to someone before. My friend's ex-girlfriend. I think I hurt her feelings (whatever those are). Though I think that it was fair, seeing as she told me at the time that, quote, "the red paint has my blood in it". She was way below the hot-crazy line...