The long, cold nuclear winter

Well, it's that time of year again. Carollers carolling, stockings laid out in anticipation of a good filling, and good will to all men. Pah! None of that for me, thank you very much! In fact, I won't be wishing a single person a merry Christmas this year, for one very good reason: I'll be far too busy staring at my phone. I've got one of these fancy iPhones, you see, and one of the things I can do with it (besides writing blogs) is play Pokemon.

For anyone unaware... actually there's no need here, it's bloody Pokemon. It makes Christianity look like Arab Strap. And it's... actually still really good. Not just for its age. Not even because of the nostalgia attached to that series, it's just a good game. I'm enjoying it, anyway, although maybe it's just the disgustingly cheerful 8-bit soundtrack coupled with the fact that playing a game from the mid-90s is so dull, man, so uncool, get with the times... oh it's on your phone?! Then suddenly is the coolest thing since whatever the last coolest thing was. I dunno, probably those wheel-shoes for me... still bitter they didn't do those in my size. Bastards.

I think the reason that this idea is so popular is actually really simple: you can be an indie twat, without being an indie twat. It's beautiful, so hip, yet so uncool. So mainstream, yet still quite counter-culture. Fuck you society, I'm gonna play games you haven't even thought about for years... on my new Apple phone. Yeah, that's right! That'll show 'em, those City tossers...

The truth is, everyone wants to be a little bit quirky, everyone wants people to pay attention to them, but they also want acceptance. When shit hits the fan, they want to be able to fall in line with the git next to them, and cry in fear.

I have a friend who goes out of her way to wear odd clothes and do odd things. Revels in it, she does. The second anything's 'popular', she despises it. Case in point, she hates Skyrim (having not played it), yet adores the less well-known Fallout: New Vegas (which, by the way, she also hasn't played). Despite me pointing out to her that it's basically the same game, she'll cover her ears and scream until I shut up regardless. Because Skyrim is popular.

Well I have this to say to anyone who thinks the same.

1) You're an idiot. Fallout: NW and Skyrim are both amazing.

2) Fall back in line. It's where you belong.

Because it's scary out there on your own, isn't it? With no-one to back you up, shivering in the cold? Well get used to it. In about 30 years time, after the bombs have fallen, it's just going to be you, a board with a nail in, and your anti-radiation tablets. Maybe what you learnt playing Fallout will help you. I doubt it.

Business as usual - HMV

Call it a sabbatical.

So these HMV ads. The ones advertising the DVDs, the Alan Carr one first, then the Lee Evans one, then, oh haha, wasn't Peter Kay funny 4 years ago I remember him? Have we all seen them? Good.
Then you'll probably agree that, given the choice between being given those DVDs for Christmas, and having them slowly shoved inside your aperture, you, like any sane and rational person, would probably choose the anal torture. Right? Good. Anyone who buys one of those DVDs for me from now on forfeits the right to be called a loved one. I'd probably, upon unwrapping it, punch them square in the mouth. Maybe that's just me... oh it's not? Brilliant! I can rest easy.

Anyway, this advert came on, and I was foaming at the mouth and breathing fire, as per, when my friend pointing something out to me.

Shit needs selling.

And it's obvious when you think about it, isn't it? The reason you never see anything you want on an advert, is because if you wanted it they wouldn't need to advertise it. They don't advertise things that sell, 'cos guess what? They're already selling! Instead, they advertise all the unpopular shit. Maybe that's why adverts are so distasteful to me: staring for 5 minutes at a load of stuff that I don't want to buy isn't exactly my idea of a good time. And, it might just be me, but these adverts seem to be breeding. More and more of them, filling my valuable viewing space with "content".

An example: I was watching Charlie Brooker's Black Mirror yesterday (excellent, watch it), and, it could just have been the pace of the show, I wasn't sure, but it felt like there was an advert break every 5 minutes. Barely anything had happened before a man popped up to tell me how buying Nintendo games saved his family from a love-free Christmas. When did this happen? Was there a memo?

Maybe I've just been watching stuff online for too long, but I can't help feeling like TV has changed recently, and not at all for the better. More adverts means less time in which to put beautiful shows like Black Mirror, which, if anything, say exactly what I want to about adverts, but far more eloquently and succinctly. Still, at least someone is getting the point out there,
'cos god knows I won't advertise this shit...